I'm turning 21 on Saturday. It's big for me, because suddenly I'm allowed to buy alcohol. Outside of getting better insurance rates and being allowed to rent a car using a means other than credit-card or massive deposit at 25, I can't think of any big things the government has yet to allow me to do based on age.
Well, excepting 23, when I am allowed by the FAA to get an Air Transport Pilot Certificate, but that doesn't apply to most folks, so it doesn't count.
Nevertheless, I particularly don't want to grow up. People are confused by this, but that's really because I don't tell them the whole truth. I guess the closest I've come is to saying that I don't want to be a grown-up as defined by my parents because I feel so different from them, but really it's because I'm afraid I'll be like my father.
Yep. Simple as that. Don't wanna be my dad, cause he's a dick. He was abusive both physically and emotionally to me and my siblings, and he's not somebody I particularly need in my life. He tries to call me every once in a while. I let it roll to voicemail, listen to him asking me to call him on the message and then delete it. I glean a bit of joy knowing that his children don't talk to him. I hope he feels ashamed of himself.
Meanwhile, I find myself getting angry and doing things disturbingly similar to how he did them, handling my problems with violence and blaming others for stuff. Later I realize what I do isn't okay, but it's just how I know how to handle problems, and I'm worried that one of these days I might seriously hurt somebody. At least it won't be too bad, it's not like I work out or anything, but I imagine a fist to the face doesn't feel to good for either involved.
TRH
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